Korkie has had the worst luck since her surgery to remove the mass. Infection set in, antibiotics weren’t doing much good. She has been poked and prodded so much this last week it has left me in tatters. Yesterday during a recheck with the surgeon we got the results back from the Histopathology report. It’s cancer — adenocarcinoma of the Anal Glands.
We were told before the surgery that the best guess was cancer and by the looks of the second set of xrays it looked like it had spread to her lymph nodes already.
All along the vets have said this is a slow moving cancer and it could be that old age takes her away from us before cancer gets a chance.
The thing is before all of this I could pretend she wasn’t 13 and the time I’ve had with her was not greater than the time to come. It was easy. I am the queen of denial after all. But this … this shit. It has me torn apart.
What you may not know about my relationship with Korkie is that she has been the ONE constant in my life. When my husband was on deployments and gone for 100s of days at a time – she was there. When my only pregnancy ended horribly, and I was sent home after hours of labor with nothing I held Korkie and cried and she just let me hold her. When my mom had the stroke and my husband was in Kentucky for his grandfather’s funeral – she was there. When my mom died, when my Daddy was told he had cancer and to go home to die — when he died a few weeks later. Korkie was there. She was there for good stuff too.
Once when I was seriously depressed and had thoughts of suicide to the point of planning out the letter and getting things ready to go through with it. I realized that my parents were hours away and it could be days before my body was discovered and at that point, I stopped because I didn’t have anyone near me that I trusted to take care of Korkie. She saved my life that night.
So you see she has been my rock, and the thought of her absence tears me up inside. I feel alone right now because no one seems to get how much this girl means to me and my well being. It is killing me.
But for now the best I can do is be strong for her and cuddle lots.
FUCK CANCER.
cheryl · 2011-07-30 at 10:52
*hugs*
I don’t know what else to say except I understand completely. Thank E I haven’t been through as much rough shit as you, but Gandalf has been that rock for me. Just this calm, centered -presence- in our lives. I honestly find it extremely hard to remember life before him. And he’s about to turn 17, so….
It’s not much comfort, but at least you’ve been given warning. She wont’ be taken suddenly and you have time to plan and make her time ahead really extra good for her.
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